Grief can be triggered by many things. For me, hurricane season is super triggering.
The day before my dad’s funeral, a hurricane was brewing in the Atlantic, so there was lots of rain and storms happening in the area.
On the day of the funeral, the storm crept more and more. Family and friends gathered for what we call Dad’s Homegoing Celebration.
It was super sad yet comforting and beautiful especially hearing sweet stories shared by family and friends about Dad.
Afterward, our family met at one of our favorite restaurants that serves some of the best BBQ in the East. Because good food is such a comfort, right?
All this time, we didn’t notice the change in weather until we were about to leave. It was dark outside, the rain was pouring and blowing sideways. We could hardly see our way to the car. And some of the roads were already starting to flood.
We underestimate the devastation grief causes
Wow! We didn’t know the devastation this hurricane would leave on the area and surrounding towns.
Watching the news, we saw the restaurant we’d eaten at the evening before flooded, roads closed, houses and even some towns were underwater.
And it took years for some people and areas to recover from that hurricane. Some who were displaced were never able to return to their homes and had to move. It was devastating. That was Hurricane Matthew 2016…
Hurricanes remind me of grief…
Unpredictable.
Takes a path but changes course.
Destructive.
Unapologetic.
Roars.
Pops up unexpectedly.
Carries a sense of calm in the middle of the storm.
Can dissipate.
Can lessen/weaken over time.
Has so many after-effects.
Changes the lives it touches.
Yet, rebuilding and healing are possible.
What have you found that triggers your grief?
A song, a sound, a scent?
An anniversary, birthday, or a special place?
So, what is a trigger? Basically, anything that brings up a memory of your loss.
When I’m feeling triggered, it’s hard to lean into the grief because it’s uncomfortable and I just want it to leave. But the more I do this the more it tends to linger around.
So, instead of trying to ignore it, I have learned to do a few things.
How to Cope with Grief Triggers
Acknowledge the grief. And additionally, to inform those around me. Which most often is my hubby and kids. Like “Hey, I’m feeling a little griefy today.” This way we all know to be a little gentler and to show a little more grace.
Make space for it. Intentionally think about the loss, write about it, cry… let the feels be the feels. Contrary to popular belief, it is okay to not be okay.
Get rest and/or get moving. Sometimes we need to just be and get rest while sometimes we need to move our bodies. Do what works for you.
Connect with God. I love worship songs that point me to Christ…it’s one of my love languages to God for sure. So music resonates with me. You can also read and/or listen to the Bible in meaningful ways for you.
For a gentle guide and companion in grief, get a copy of my book Can You Just Sit with Me here.
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Natasha Smith writes from up-close, personal experiences of grief. Her advice to those of us who are grieving is invaluable. She shows us how to grieve, how to take time to sit, be still, and how to express our grief. For friends and family members of those grieving, she offers excellent suggestions on how to help those grieving. This book is an important resource for pastors, counselors, friends and family. This is a book I will read over and over—not just for my own grief processing, but to help others with theirs. – EC
Get the book here.
