Have you ever said, “I hate the holidays?” If you’ve suffered any type of loss, you probably have and you are not alone. Hate is such a strong word, I know. Grief and the holidays can be awefully hard.
As grievers, I don’t know if we truly “hate” the holidays or if we are just so ready for the Holidays to be over. Or better yet, it’s not that we hate the holidays, we just hate the grief that comes along with it and we just want the grief to be over.
This has been my sentiments in the past. My true feelings in and around the holidays because of the ensuing grief. And maybe it’s been yours too.
A Love Hate Relationship with the Holidays
As grievers, we tend to have a love/hate relationship with the holidays. For me, I love spending time with my hubby, kids, and family members who are here, to make memories with them. Yet, I hate the grief that lurks around the corner.
The grief sits heavier surrounding, during, and after the holidays. For me, it’s because so many that I loved died close to the holidays their absence often knocks harder during this time.
Yet, even losses that are not death-related are heightened during the holidays. A job loss, a broken relationship, a new or ongoing health challenge…they are all grief-worthy.
Grief and the Holidays
We could be tempted to say holiday grief hits differently. However, the reality is, that grief is hard, period. Undoubtedly, there is a heightened awareness that our people are missing from these places and spaces we hold close and the challenges and losses of life are magnified.
For me, I remember this day 25 years ago.
On November 22, 1998, I flailed around my dorm room unable to keep my footing as waves of confusion, shock, and anger crashed against the ship of my mind. Disbelief submerged me as I exhaled, unable to catch my breath. “Angie died this morning.”
Can You Just Sit With Me? p.5
My sister Angie died during my sophomore year of college. Just before Thanksgiving. She was only 32 years old. So each year around this time it is particularly hard for me.
And for all who grieve, holiday grief can feel like being a punching bag, getting hit over and over again. Battered and bruised from grief as our bodies keep score. Our bodies remember how we felt when we heard the news. It remembers the pain of it all.
And with grief, we can feel as if we are dodging fire-dipped arrows, yet not having the energy to get out of harm’s way. We see them coming, yet we can’t move. We don’t want to feel the painful piercing of the arrows on our skin because it hurts yet we have no obvious choice but to feel it to some degree.
It reminds me of a recent conversation I had with Beth Allen Slevcove, author of Broken Hallelujahs on my podcast. One thing she said that stayed with me is that our bodies naturally know what to do with grief. But we need to get out of the way and give it the space, time, and help it needs.
So if you’re like me and you feel like you are challenged by grief during the holidays, I invite you to sit with me? I invite you to sit with me as I sit with Jesus. He is our anchor of hope. He will hold us steady when our hearts are overwhelmed and when our mind is reeling with grief.
So even when we hate the holidays, and are ready for them to be over and done, we can find rest and hope in God. So, I pray that as we make space for grief, we can also make space for hope in God that it will not be like this always.
We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. Hebrews 6:19 NIV
Sitting with you,
Natasha
A Holiday Prayer
Lord, thank you for your kindness towards us. And thank you for being with us. As the holiday season is upon us, I lift us all those with heavy hearts. I lift up all who are mourning the absence of their loved ones, and every loss that they are feeling the ache of this season.
Lord, surround us with your comforting presence and wrap us in Your love and peace as we navigate these days filled with memories that evoke both joy and sorrow. Help us find solace in the precious moments we shared with those we miss dearly. Be our refuge, God. Give us the strength to endure, the courage to face each day, and the assurance that You are with us in our pain.
Give us strength to find gratitude amidst the sorrow, to cherish the love that remains, and to hold on to hope for brighter days ahead. And Lord, I ask for Your comfort to cover us during this holiday season, now and always.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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