The holidays are here. No, really they are! So, how do you plan to cope with grief? I know you’d rather not think about it. Same here. And yet, when we try not to think about it, we actually do.
But here’s the thing, I’m sure you already know how to cope with grief but oftentimes we just need gentle reminders because this is a hard season. And if you don’t know how to cope with grief during the holidays, this article will help.
Because many don’t understand how grieving on top of simply living can feel like walking with concrete boots. And the holidays can make it even more challenging. So, what I’ve found is, that it is always better, and best to have a plan.
Your Holiday Grief Plan
1. Honor Your New Capacity.
In other words, give yourself grace for new capacity limits you may have discovered since your loss. For instance, before the loss, you may have had the capacity to be in large crowds, to travel, and spread your wings some. Yet after the loss, you rather find small settings are more comfortable. Lean into your new capacity and give yourself grace for it. I’ve noticed a less capacity for noise, so I’m learning to honor this new capacity.
2. Create/Continue Rituals
Find a simple way to include your loved one(s) in your holiday traditions. You could light a candle, say a prayer, buy flowers or make their favorite dish. This year I plan to use small tea lit candles for my family members who are no longer here, to honor their life and represent their presence that is still so very here, near and dear to our hearts.
3. Tend to Your Grief.
It’s okay to be sad. And it’s okay to cry during the holidays or at any time. Being sad and crying are both cleansing and helpful in the grand scheme of emotional health. So, especially in this season, let us take time to tend to our grief. This simply means to make space for it. Sit with the grief. You can also, grab a notepad to write about your loss, look at pictures, or make a holiday collage. Make space to connect with your emotions.
4. Ignite Gratitude.
Gratitude has a way of pulling us out of the ugliest pit. It doesn’t replace the pain, as we can hold both grief and gratitude. Instead, gratitude makes way for light to enter into the darkness of our grief. So, take time to write a list of things you are thankful for. As you begin, it may look and feel very surface-level, but as you continue, you may notice just a bit more light coming through.
5. Plan Rest + Soul Care.
The holidays are the busiest times of the year. Between cooking, eating, traveling, entertaining, and celebrating, it feels as though there is no time for rest. Yet rest + soul care is one of the most important things we can do to cope with grief during the holidays. Here’s a few suggestions: Go to your nearest coffee shop for a cup of coffee or sit outside on the porch, dust off the paintbrushes, an old instrument or go for a prayer walk. You can also set a timer to sit in silence and scripture. Do something you enjoy and find ways to connect with God.
What else would you add to the list?
A Prayer for Holiday Grief
Lord, we thank you for being the God of Peace. We thank you that our hope is found in you. We pray that as we move through the holiday seasons that you will show yourself strong on our behalf. That we will be able to sense your very presence with us, as you are always with us. We pray that when we begin to feel sad and emotional about our loss, that you remind us it’s okay to not be okay. Remind us that you too felt sadness and grief. We are thankful that you are the God who understands our grief and you are the God of all Comfort who will comfort us during this season and beyond. Thank you Lord for sitting with us. Thank you Lord for loving us. In Jesus’ Name, amen.
Get my book Can You Just Sit With Me? Healthy Grieving for the Losses of Life here.
“Why are you still sad about that?”
It takes time and space to grieve well, but often our culture doesn’t afford us these things. Drawing from her own experience with grief, Natasha Smith invites us into a reflection on what it means to grieve and how to cling to hope even in our darkest moments. Instead of providing quick-fix solutions, this book creates space for us to take time to just sit and grieve, learn, and heal in healthy ways.
In Can You Just Sit with Me? Smith provides personal stories, biblical reflections, relevant research, practical tools, and prayers that point us to God, who always sits with us in our grief. Whether we are grieving a loss or supporting a friend who is grieving, this book reminds us that every loss is worthy of the space and grace to grieve.
Get it here!
