Independent Woman
Independent Woman. We’ve heard about Dependency issues but not so much about Independency Issues. One can be just as harmful as the other.
Growing up, I remember my Mom telling me/drilling in me to not take anything from anyone especially “nothing from a man”. I was taught to have my own money, to have my own everything, as to not have to depend on anyone…again, “especially not to depend on a man”. I was taught to get an education because no one could take that away from me, which was true. But I’m not quite sure where it all came from, maybe my Mom’s generation of men failed women in ways that pushed them to teach this “independent woman” talk to the next generation of girls.
Well to support what I was taught, my generation (women in their 20s/30s), was empowered to be independent. Remember Destiny’s Child…”all my women independent, throw your hands up at me…”? It was definitely an anthem that told us women that we didn’t need anyone to support us because we could do it all by ourselves. Great, right?
Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to have your own! But, the ISSUE with being so independent is that we were made to be dependent people…to be dependent on God, for one. Then as we marry; we are to at least allow ourselves to depend on our spouse.
One main characteristic of someone with independency issues is the struggle to ask for or to receive help from others. Because of this, people with independency issues (including myself) tend to get burnt out, trying to do it all alone and tend to seek help/assistance as an absolute last resort. This characteristic also makes it difficult for others to show the independent woman love at times because she has the appearance that she needs nothing from no one. This shouldn’t be the case.
I believe the ultimate cause is trust and pride. At some point, the independent woman was told not to trust, or trusted someone who betrayed her or she feels that she is the only person that can do what she does based on her accomplishments or status. So how do you change this mindset?
For myself, I’m doing as one of the old hymns says…”learning how to lean and depend on Jesus”! First things first, we must seek God to help us tear down our underlying thought process regarding our independency; any trust and pride issues. Then we must be vulnerable and allow others in; whether it’s to assist us in some way, to give into our lives, or to lead us.
Let’s begin to welcome help and the love of others!
What are your thoughts?