Parenting during the Tween years does not always have to be challenging. So today, I’m going to share 5 Steps to Disciplining Your Tween using Loving Conversation to help.

5 Steps to Disciplining Your Tween using Loving Conversation
Photo by IIONA VIRGIN on Unsplash

It’s NOT fair!

Three of the most famous words you will ever hear as a parent of a tween.

These words rang out from our daughter with tears in her eyes, as I sat across from her. She was upset because she was made to share one of her Minecraft books with her younger brother. She said that it was not fair that she had to share with him because he does not share with her. And that he gets away with it.

Well, welcome to my disciplining opportunity. Through loving conversation.

For the Lord disciplines those he loves (Hebrews 12:6). And so, as parents, we also discipline our kids because we love.

The fact is, all God-centered disciplinary action requires love.

And sometimes discipline looks like, just a loving conversation. Conversation that centers on care and concern. And how to grow and become better as God would have us to be.

Though important at any age, loving conversation is especially important during the “tween” years. Those years that often describes the group of children between the ages of 8-12. The years leading up to becoming a teenager.

The tween years are a time of transition for many kids. There are lots of changes occurring; mentally, physically and emotionally.

So, when you hear these 3 words, “It’s not fair”.

Your tween wants to hear and needs to know these three (3) things: That you know why they feel “it” is not fair. That you hear and understand them. And that you care about how they feel.

Once this is established, correction tends to go over more smoothly.

5 Steps to Disciplining Your Tween using Loving Conversation

  1. Ask questions. Like “How did that make you feel?”, Have your child fill in the blanks to this statement. I feel like “______” because “________”.
  2. Exercise active listening. Be sure to not interject while they are speaking.
  3. Clarify child’s response. Repeat in summary, what your child is telling you. It lets them know that you are listening and that you understand what they are saying.
  4. Share biblical truths. Recall biblical examples that relate to the situation. And discuss some of your personal examples if applicable. This is your opportunity for sharing correction.
  5. Pray with your child. End with prayer. Let your child know that we all need God’s help in doing what is right.
5 Steps to Disciplining Your Tween